Hello overwhelmed woman, how is your day going?
I see you, beautiful lady. You are a taskmaster, a high-functioning manager, balancing 28 teacups while racing across a balance beam. Whether in yoga pants or high heels, you make it look easy.
Things look normal on the outside, but inside is a different story. Things are unraveling inside. Something within calls for attention, but there’s no time to stop and sit with it.
I see you, hurrying through your list, downing the caffeine, living off of fumes and a subdued but palpable panic.
Can’t drop those teacups. You ache to feel joy and lightness, to stop pretending everything is great and to let your hair down, and yet the compulsion keeps the wheels spinning. You’re so addicted to doing that the wheels won’t spinning when you lay your head down at night. There is currently no space for being.
You question yourself – am I enough? Am I doing enough? You know you can’t really do more (because there are only 24 hours in a day), but still there’s that nagging feeling that you should be doing more. The guilt and shame eat away at you.
You feel guilty even bringing it up – after all, so many are worse off than you. But still that unshakable gnawing of anxiety deep inside. A hole that you temporarily fill with a glass of wine or a tv show.
You resent the burden of managing it ALL, but someone has to get it done.
And you do it best. Your partner seems blind to your efforts and struggle, and the resentment deepens the chasm between you.
Your exchanges are largely logistical these days. “Sex? Now?! I don’t think so. I’m way too exhausted.” You may not have the language for the repulsion that develops when you feel so deeply unsupported and unappreciated by your Number 1. Something feels unfair, but you don’t know how to express it. So you keep it inside, living more like roommates than lovers. When the frustration does boil over, the discussion often ends in a contest of who-is-doing-more.
Are you aware of how much power you actually have right now by naming and expressing your desires from a space of compassion, and taking responsibility for how you feel no matter what your partner is or isn’t doing for you? If this is triggering to read, there’s some juicy work here for you. It’s true – no one is responsible for making you happy but you. No one.
I see you comparing yourself to others.
All those Instagram moms seems to have their shit together. How on Earth do other moms keep their shit together? Those balanced, peaceful, and seemingly perfect moms who put on mascara every day, hit the gym after a 5 am meditation, and keep a Pinterest-worthy house intimidate you.
Want to know a secret? They don’t exist. They are fictitious personalities created to suck you into a dream you think you want. They’re selling an idea, based on making you feel less than so you will buy to fill the void. The secret is that you don’t want to be more like them, you want to be more like you. You might just have to trust me on that one for now.
The women who intimidate you are not your competition, even though you’ve been socialized to believe it. They are a reflection of your own insecurities, a mirror for you to look into when you get the courage.
If you think about it, do you really believe all those Instagram moms have it all figured out? They don’t because they’re all human. They’re growing, searching, longing, and struggling in their own ways. It’s the human condition. AND it’s possible to be growing and struggling and still find joy and peace in life at the same time. I am living proof.
Author: Dr. Emma Andre
Soulful Healer | Physician | Coach