When a mother gives birth, she too is reborn.
Leaving the idea of who she was forlorn.
If we surrender and allow our new selves to unearth,
The journey to motherhood is a divine rebirth.
But she didn’t know how to let that go,
So she held on tight as it slipped out slow
Leaving an itchy space of grief inside,
For the maiden she was before baby came Earthside.
When the quiet fog of pregnancy crept in,
When all expectations took root deep within,
She thought she’d find a version of herself to be
Akin the one she knew before “me” became “we.”
The death of that person that she was before,
Came as a shock and with shackles that she bore,
Like a heavy chain she that would not drop,
Before she knew she could choose to stop,
And let it drop.
She was caught in a space
Full of awe and wonder,
At this miracle of life
That had come through her like thunder.
She was caught in this space
Also feeling torn in two,
Because a part of her desired a space to be,
Where she could go back to being “just me.”
Her heart ached with love for this tiny new other,
And she wanted to be a good loving mother.
What she didn’t know was that push and pull
Was a part of something bigger, and meaningful.
She couldn’t even name the complexities inside,
The ambivalence confusing, with her heart open wide.
Those moments she sat with her baby and cried,
Alone in her struggle, no tribe by her side.
Thinking, “I must be a failure, can’t do this alone,”
An unfit mother, alone on my breastfeeding throne.
The endless giving to her very own gift,
Her gratitude had run dry in this unending shift.
She sat there in her struggle, lost and confused,
Feeling squishy and fragile, used and bruised,
Her vocab can’t touch it, too expanding and wide
Her brain is a tangle, a scary mess inside.
Somewhere in her life along the way,
She learned it was shameful to feel this way.
But it’s not.
The fantasies built about perfect motherhood,
All the things to which she hinged that stupid word “should”
All the nonsense attached to her idea of “good”
They now made no sense, though she thought that they would.
In this dark space awaiting illumination,
This dark space was there for her transformation,
This was her womb, from where she would be born,
Into a Mother, an experience entirely foreign.
From somewhere inside her came a wise voice,
Telling her that she now had to make a choice.
Would she stay here in darkness, clinging to the past?
Or would she move forward through surrender at last.
She imagined the light and she felt it inside,
She knew it was time to take that ride,
She closed her eyes and for a minute went under,
And then came out on the other side, just like thunder.
The light was bright, but the fog was gone,
She had chosen to surrender her pride and her brawn,
And to just let go of fearing murth,
To welcome this new and divine rebirth.
She was a portal for the miracle of life,
A mind-blowing awakening that can bring on strife.
This transition into being a Mother,
Lends wisdom to our connection to another.
This opportunity for spiritual evolution inside,
A time when your gentle heart is cracked open wide,
Now is a time to surrender and grow,
Don’t miss this chance for vitality to flow.
She had just begun her journey of matrescence,
A visceral learning of her divine essence.
A natural unfolding, nature’s gentle shove,
No longer just one, but two in love.
Matrescence is a process every mother goes through with massive physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual restructuring, lasting up to a decade. This process is easier and smoother when a woman can surrender into it while being held by others, especially by community. THIS is the work I am here to do with women. While we still have this visceral memory of the divine nature of life we can heal the places inside that keep us from having the peaceful, joyful, and full experience of life that we want.
Mama – I see you and I know the enormity of what you’re going through feels insurmountable. That’s because you’re not meant to do it alone. The spiritual evolution that you are going through is a GIFT, even if you can’t see it yet. Whether you just gave birth or are 10 years out, I want to serve you in doing the most valuable work there is in healing what your body is begging you to heal. Your body is speaking to you through symptoms, begging for you to slow down and listen.
This could be your opportunity to blossom. I am here to support you on this journey with a different kind of medicine, and to unlock the Vitality within.
Author: Dr. Emma Andre